The First Epistle of Literally

Read this. It's slightly funny. in parts:

Good morning and Welcome.

Welcome indeed to the first of my epistles on my Literally Project - my reaction to the misuse and overuse of the word “Literally”, and appeal to use it wisely before it loses all meaning. You are never “literally laughing your head off” and how ever good Didier Drogba is playing, he is never “literally on fire today”.My plan, as you are probably already aware, is to help save the word *Literally*, by truly DOING THINGS literally. From going to Hell and back, to teaching an old dog new tricks; from jumping on the bandwagon to cleaning up at the bookies, and many others as outlined on my website. When it’s all done, we'll celebrate by painting the town red. Literally.It all started a couple of years ago, when I literally cycled from A to B for charity (it's a long story, check out the website) and people didn't understand that if I was literally travelling from A to B that it meant going from 'A' to 'B'. This newsletter serves to update folks on my surreal mission, to educate the world on the great importance of using the word literally properly - and probably the odd appeal (very odd appeal most likely) for a little help with my oh-so-important work.

HELP ME:
[Not psychiatric help for me personally, but a few things I need a little assistance with.]
1) Does anyone know anyone who works for a paint company? I'm hoping to get a tanker full of red paint for free, so I can paint a town red. So, anyone's cousin work for Crown Paint or Dulux?2) Does your Uncle Norman run a brewery? I keep failing to literally organise a pi$$-up in a brewery, and though I fail quite heroically, I would love to actually succeed one day.
3) Do you surf - and fancy coming out with me to Ireland to literally go into $hit Creek without a paddle? I have no idea, and want some help, ideally from Lifeguards - as I may drown.

Misuse of the week:
"Thierry Henry has quite literally thrown the toys out of his pram." Matt Lawton, Sky TV. er...... No, Matt. He didn't.

Mission 2: Losing my marbles literally - Mission Accomplished
The World Marble Championships - The Greyhound Pub Arena, Crawley. April 7th 2007. Our team name, embarrassingly: Miss Marble Investigates. After a strong game in round 1 (beating small children, prompting a telling-off from an angry Mum) we were knocked out by the super-experienced and previous champions: the Handcross 49ers. They were properly good – they even had a team hat and badge. And if you don't believe this ridiculous thing actually happened - real documentary evidence: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2220344981504867669.
Also, the full report is on www.literally.tvOr alternatively on the blog of James (one of the intrepid six of "Miss Marble Investigates"): http://goldfishsyndrome.typepad.com/
Or the suspicious looking man from the Guardian in a dodgy black polo-neck here: http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,,2051976,00.html

Suggestions?
Please do help me in my campaign, report any misuse you hear of the word Literally, or suggest a phrase for me to take literally!

Coming Soon:
During the next two weeks I'll be super-busy teaching an old dog new tricks (Poppy the 13 year old dalmation who belongs to a BBC weatherman) and living the life of Riley. I'm also working on a plan to hop over to the USA to literally bite off more than I can chew - at the world HotDog eating championships, before literally taking a bull by the horns at a Rodeo in Colorado, and then Literally painting the town Red once I can recruit a town. Magic.

This week's DIY Literally:
1) Go to the butcher/supermarket/meatwagon/pig.
2) Get bacon.
3) Bring home the bacon, literally.

Knock yourself out (figuratively),

Paul
Parryparryphernalia@btinternet.com
http://www.literally.tv/
Facebook Group: "Literally taking the Bull by the Horns"

IMPORTANTE:This e-mail is sent to a mailing list of people I have bullied into subscribing - do not blame me that you received this email because you did sign up for it. I am not manually sending my emails to the Western World, not only because of the laws of data protection/spam, but because I am very lazy indeed. If you do want to unsubscribe, then please do. If you get this forwarded to you by your friend Jeff who insists on forwarding everything - then blame Jeff, not me, and do please literally send him to Coventry. However, if Alan sends this to you, and you find this sort of frippery interesting, do please sign up at googlegroups (details below) to make sure you receive this email, as Alan is rather an unreliable sort, isn't he?If you would like to - please do forward this on to your friends. Especially if they work for a brewery.